I Don't Take Steps, I Make Steps!
It’s been crazy in my life lately. Some of that crazy I totally brought upon myself. I don’t mind the crazy – at all, but I do seriously mind the fact that other things, things out of my control have delayed me over and over again. I am still in Michigan, working ever diligently to get healthy, catch up on work, and get the things I must complete, done. Tonight though, I am missing home, utterly.
I hate it when I feel so … whiny. It’s unbecoming and not how I want to be but for the last two hours I fought the fact that I am whiny and missing home tonight. Phooeypants!
I can’t complain really. Actually I don’t want to complain about any of the things I am involved in, or the workload they brought on. Those who know me, know me well enough that they would admit, I enjoy hard work.
I guess what has me down is I feel torn between trying to complete that which I committed to do, (And wanted to do, and actually enjoy doing,) and just wanting to go home. I am mad at myself that my choices, although based on facts I knew then verses what I know now; has led to difficult times for myself and a few others.
I guess basically what I am saying is, tonight I feel the schmuck because I didn’t envision this current situation, me being away from home, here in Michigan, when I first opted to do the things I am currently involved in.
Double phooeypants! Hindsight can be ….well, blinding. :) <– there is a weak smile, because well, I can’t remain whiny forever, can I?
I miss home. I feel awful Wocket isn’t feeling his best. I feel wretched because I miss my neighbors, my friends and my bed. I actually feel bad because I miss home, the place and people I love and speak oh so highly of.
Here in Mid-Michigan, I don’t really fit in. They laugh at me, a lot, because I talk of things they don’t “do” here. They look at me as if I am some hipster, technology addicted, internet absorbed, being. I haven’t met anyone up here in Mid-Michigan who remotely understands, I work. I work hard. Granted I don’t belong to their local unions, working in their local industries which are dying. I work on a computer, from nearly anywhere I roam.
And oddly, most of them here can’t understand why I despise the unhealthy things that are local favorite foods, or places or things to do. I know and understand they are happy with their things, and places, and jobs and foods, and I am glad they are. Truly. They should be happy with their chosen lifestyles. That’s how it is supposed to work.
What strikes me as odd though, is they don’t want to allow another to find happiness in a different way, a way new or foreign to their own choices. That makes no sense to me. Lol.
I don’t mean to imply the people here are uncaring, they aren’t. However, they are small minded, choosing only specific things that are acceptable, and scoffing or blatantly ignoring those things that fall outside of their choices. They must miss so much by such blinders. It’s sad.
But I have to smile, for real now. Because as I typed this, I realized, while trying to figure out the differences between here, Mid-Michigan and The Heartland of America, where I live……and you know what lightening bolt just hit me?
I am a Heartlander now. Holy wow. Holy fuckin wow.
Wocket once said to me, “It’s Home Cy….that’s what it is and where I am from and who I am.”
Oh for Pete’s sake, he’s right!